SMOG

Dear Rocky Mountains (specifically along the Wasatch Front in Salt Lake):

I love you dearly, don't get me wrong. You are gorgeous and grand, and you make me feel safe living on a long-overdue-for-"the big one" fault line. You provide hours and days and months of outdoor activity, which is what really attracts non-Utahns to the state in the first place. I really do love you for all of these things.

But.

But you also keep all of this gross air trapped in the valley. This causes me to cough and choke and generally hate life because my lungs do NOT appreciate having to chew for oxygen. Is it really necessary? I mean, honestly. What good does it do you? It can't be much, if any. I would imagine that the settling in of this bad air could only be bad for you, though perhaps it inspires people to climb up your heights in order to escape it. Well if that's the only reason then that is LAME.

Anyway. I would really appreciate it if you would stop. In fact, I'm sure that all of us who live here in your shadows would greatly appreciate a break from the smog. I seriously couldn't even see past either side of the freeway this morning due to its density. So if you could just move a little bit...like, I dunno, just a few miles north or east or both so that the winds can just blow the air past us like they should, that'd be great. I really think that our relationship (and not to mention my lungs) would be much healthier if you just complied. It's called compromise, right? Right.

I really do love you. I just need more space. And less pollution.

Sincerely,

Jess

P.S. I know that this bad air was sent our way by California (spiteful bastards polluting my air!), but why does it have to stop here? Just let it pass on through to Colorado. They won't mind it, I'm sure, and we will all just be so much happier.