Overcompensation

Dear Mr. Dodge Truck with Ridiculously Large Wheels Driver that Nearly Ran Me Over on I-15 this Morning:

Look, buddy. You aren't fooling anyone. I know life must really suck for a guy with such a small penis, but seriously? There is absolutely no other purpose for tires that big except to compensate for what you so obviously lack. I may have let it slide if there was any indication on your truck that it was used for heavy lifting or towing (let's say a construction company decal or a not-so-clever license plate holder that boldly declares that you'd rather be doing motocross), but your truck and its naked-lady-silhouette mud flaps were SPOTLESS.

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but a clean truck is one that obviously is not being put to its proper use. So why don't you just give it up and put the appropriate bumper sticker on your truck? I know that they make 'em, because my brother in law saw one on a truck similar to yours. It said "Yes, I have a small penis" and I guarantee that it has gotten him laid at least once. I'm even inclined to shake that man's hand, because at least he's aware of the fact that his giant truck is a dead give away. And there is a lot to be said about self-awareness.

That's definitely something you should look into, because apparently you don't realize that your giant monstrosity of a truck takes up more than its allotted amount of space on the freeway. I know you probably can't see just how far your tires are in my lane over your insecurity, but they're about halfway and closing. My car is moderately sized, not tiny, so it's not like I'm hard to see. If you're going to change lanes, GET THE F!#$ OVER ALREADY! If not, then stay in your own damn lane. And for god's sake USE YOUR BLINKER! It's one of the wands that sticks out from behind your steering wheel. The one with the most dust is probably your best bet.

Still, even a blinker won't save me if you decide to take me out monster truck style while I'm trying to pass you. It's called a blind spot, dumb ass, and you of all people should be checking it before drifting across the line. Of course why would you bother when you don't seem to realize that you're doing it? Considering the way you're drifting from side to side you're lucky that I or any of the other drivers on the road (all of whom are managing to stay in between the lines) don't call you in as a drunk driver. You should be thanking us, not running us all off the road.

Seriously, dude, we're onto you. Your giant truck doesn't make up for the fact that you got the short end of the stick (pun most definitely intended) when it comes to manhood. But that fact alone can be forgiven, particularly if you are not the insecure, unaware jerk that you appear to be. However, at this point, what with your tires coming within an inch of my passenger side doors and your inability to identify and utilize the dusty lever that is your blinker, it's not looking too good for you in terms of redemption. Still, I'm open to hear your defense. Or, perhaps, the more appropriate response would be to drop trou and prove me wrong. Either way, I still think you're a douche.

Sincerely,

A Concerned non-Utahn Utah Driver.