And now...

It's kinda funny the situations that cause you to realize certain things about life. Funny? Or is it kinda sad? Maybe it's both. Maybe it's neither. Maybe it's something else completely.

I'll tell you one thing, though. It's exhausting.

It's exhausting spending your life being there for everyone else. For being the rock on which so many others rely--or take advantage of, as it may be. It's what I do, though, and I enjoy doing it for the most part. I like that the people in my life trust me and want my opinion. I like feeling needed and appreciated, and my big soft heart is happy to make others happy.

And then the tables turn and I get to learn who really does appreciate me.

As it turns out, the people I thought (or rather had hoped) would, don't. And the funny part is that I'm not surprised. Or maybe that's the sad part. In any case, it's not shocking at all. I was warned by some not close to the situation, of course. The truth, apparently, laid in the vantage point from which I could not (or would not) see.

Oh well. Such is life. Live and learn. Right?

While none of this whole thing surprises me, the situation is upsetting. Which is why it is so exhausting to be the way I am. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm way too nice for my own good. Anyone who knows me at all could probably tell you that. I set myself up for this kind of thing, you know. I bring it on myself. So there's really no one to blame. And I don't believe in placing blame and being mad anyway. Holding a grudge is a stupid waste of time and energy, not to mention a good way to attract bad karma. So I don't bother.

But I should know by now that forgive and forget is not always the one-size-fits all solution. I should know this, but of course, my ever-prevailing sense of optimism refuses to know anything. Forgiveness is pretty inherent in me and comes easily (too easily, I've been told), and I firmly believe that it is a good thing. Forgetfulness, however, is something I should work harder to lessen. Forgive is fine, but forget tends to become more of an excuse not to learn from an experience God intended to be a lesson. Which is why I'm starting to believe that "forgive and forget" is a cliche that should be, well, forgotten.

I can't help but be a nice person. All the damn time. It's just part of who I am, and most of the time that is fine. But I'm also a reasonably smart girl, and being the smart girl that I am, I know I should have realized this sooner: At some point you have to cut your losses. Any keen investor will tell you to invest for the long term, but if you aren't getting the return you've expected after a relatively long period of time, take the hit. At least you'll get the tax write off.

Wow. I've distracted myself. What was the point I was trying to make?

Oh, right. Funny and sad.

What's really funny about all of this is the cruel irony. I give and give and give, gladly, and get nothing. Not a phone call, not an email, not a check in of any kind after years of being the first in line to do the same. What's sad (more like incredibly stupid) is that I sensed it, saw it, knew it was coming and did nothing to protect myself from it.

So really, the only person I can be mad at is myself, which is also something that comes pretty easily, but I won't beat myself up over any of this. I'll take it on the chin with a grain of salt and wake up tomorrow all the more prepared to face the next "life lesson" that is probably already upon me just waiting for my ego to catch up.