To Whomever Broke Into My Car this Afternoon:

I just wanted to thank you for the shattered glass and tattered leather you left. I certainly hope that you enjoy all of the mixed CDs and spend your day wondering what that little white card could possibly be for. Jokes on you, seeing as there wasn't anything of value in my car to be stolen, and you sure as hell weren't going to get the stereo out of that thing. Then again, jokes on me because now I get to fork out $170 to have the window replaced. Hope you cut your hand at least, you dick.