Dear Rocky Mountains (specifically along the Wasatch Front in Salt Lake):
I love you dearly, don't get me wrong. You are gorgeous and grand, and you make me feel safe living on a long-overdue-for-"the big one" fault line. You provide hours and days and months of outdoor activity, which is what really attracts non-Utahns to the state in the first place. I really do love you for all of these things.
But.
But you also keep all of this gross air trapped in the valley. This causes me to cough and choke and generally hate life because my lungs do NOT appreciate having to chew for oxygen. Is it really necessary? I mean, honestly. What good does it do you? It can't be much, if any. I would imagine that the settling in of this bad air could only be bad for you, though perhaps it inspires people to climb up your heights in order to escape it. Well if that's the only reason then that is LAME.
Anyway. I would really appreciate it if you would stop. In fact, I'm sure that all of us who live here in your shadows would greatly appreciate a break from the smog. I seriously couldn't even see past either side of the freeway this morning due to its density. So if you could just move a little bit...like, I dunno, just a few miles north or east or both so that the winds can just blow the air past us like they should, that'd be great. I really think that our relationship (and not to mention my lungs) would be much healthier if you just complied. It's called compromise, right? Right.
I really do love you. I just need more space. And less pollution.
Sincerely,
Jess
P.S. I know that this bad air was sent our way by California (spiteful bastards polluting my air!), but why does it have to stop here? Just let it pass on through to Colorado. They won't mind it, I'm sure, and we will all just be so much happier.
Showing posts with label Complaint Department. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Complaint Department. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Dear Mr. President
(It's been a while since I've ranted about anything political. This came to be last night while I was cleaning my house. I figured I'd share, just for funsies :) Enjoy!)
You know, I'd like to have a conversation with the President. As a voting member of society I see it as my right to do so. I have some things to say to him, and since I voted for him he should listen, right? Right. I really just want to look him in the eye and say, All due respect, Sir, but what the fuck? You make us all these promises during the campaign, and so far you have been nothing but one epic fail! To be fair, Sir...(he'll probably try to interrupt me at this point, but I will not allow him to do so), if you please, Sir, I voted to put you in this office because you asked me to. Well, I did, and so far you have not carried through with your part of the bargain. So, Sir, if you please, I have some words to say as a concerned citizen of this United States. So, yes, to be fair I know that you came into some really shitty circumstances. You are assaulted on all fronts every day. Well guess what! This is the job you signed on for. You can't have been so naive as to think that you would never have to muscle your way through the opposition. Hello?! Have you met your predecessor? He's basically retarded, and he still managed to get shit done. Why? Because he was an arrogant motherfucker who did not take no for an answer!
So, Mr. President, I would like to give you this message, from all of us that did and did not vote for you (because, let's be honest, no one is happy with you right now) to you: Man up. Seriously. Grow a pair. Fire some people if you have to (and you should, because you've surrounded yourself with people who are only holding you back). Whatever it takes to get it done, do it! I know that congress is a big fat thorn in your side (trust me, we all feel that way), but we will not accept your excuses any more! We voted for you because you promised change. You promised that you were different than the politicians that we already know, but so far you have done nothing but prove yourself a liar. I hope that you realize that, and I really hope that it affects the way you sleep at night, because things only seem to be getting worse.
The economy is recovering, as it does, but what's being done about the warS we are STILL fighting? Nada. And guess what. We're never getting into Afghanistan, my friend. That nation has turned out every other nation that has tried to invade it from the beginning of time. Just because we helped them turn away the Soviets doesn't give us the right to turn around and expect them to welcome us in. They want to be LEFT ALONE to live the way they want to live. The pursuit of happiness is a basic human right, and they want to pursue their own happiness just as much as we want to pursue oil in their country, and since they were there first, logic learned by any child before kindergarten dictates that it is theirs, and we have no right to tell them what to do or how to live their lives. Bush started this war under the pretext of saving the Muslims from themselves. They don't want or need to be saved, and you do not need to be carrying on this holy war just so that the fat Republicans that own the companies which are profiting from it can continue to do so. You and I and all of us common folk (you know, the ones that voted you into office) are most decidedly NOT benefiting from it.
I know what you're thinking: that I think that I could do it better. Well that's not the case. I don't think I could run the country. That's why I did not (nor do I ever intend to) go out for the job. You did, though, and you got it, so you must have had some sort of plan for dealing with the giant mess of a situation, right? You must have, because you said that you did, and that's why people like me did or did not vote for you. Well you won the popularity contest, and now it's high time to be getting down to business. We thought you were better than them. We thought that you were the genuine person you claimed to be. So why don't you just answer me this one question that has been burning in my brain since your 100th day in office: how do you sleep at night knowing that you have failed so miserably at what you were supposed to do? You don't have to answer right away. I'll wait. I am already accustomed to waiting for you, so it's not big thing. Just think about it for a while. But not too long. You still have a job to do.
You know, I'd like to have a conversation with the President. As a voting member of society I see it as my right to do so. I have some things to say to him, and since I voted for him he should listen, right? Right. I really just want to look him in the eye and say, All due respect, Sir, but what the fuck? You make us all these promises during the campaign, and so far you have been nothing but one epic fail! To be fair, Sir...(he'll probably try to interrupt me at this point, but I will not allow him to do so), if you please, Sir, I voted to put you in this office because you asked me to. Well, I did, and so far you have not carried through with your part of the bargain. So, Sir, if you please, I have some words to say as a concerned citizen of this United States. So, yes, to be fair I know that you came into some really shitty circumstances. You are assaulted on all fronts every day. Well guess what! This is the job you signed on for. You can't have been so naive as to think that you would never have to muscle your way through the opposition. Hello?! Have you met your predecessor? He's basically retarded, and he still managed to get shit done. Why? Because he was an arrogant motherfucker who did not take no for an answer!
So, Mr. President, I would like to give you this message, from all of us that did and did not vote for you (because, let's be honest, no one is happy with you right now) to you: Man up. Seriously. Grow a pair. Fire some people if you have to (and you should, because you've surrounded yourself with people who are only holding you back). Whatever it takes to get it done, do it! I know that congress is a big fat thorn in your side (trust me, we all feel that way), but we will not accept your excuses any more! We voted for you because you promised change. You promised that you were different than the politicians that we already know, but so far you have done nothing but prove yourself a liar. I hope that you realize that, and I really hope that it affects the way you sleep at night, because things only seem to be getting worse.
The economy is recovering, as it does, but what's being done about the warS we are STILL fighting? Nada. And guess what. We're never getting into Afghanistan, my friend. That nation has turned out every other nation that has tried to invade it from the beginning of time. Just because we helped them turn away the Soviets doesn't give us the right to turn around and expect them to welcome us in. They want to be LEFT ALONE to live the way they want to live. The pursuit of happiness is a basic human right, and they want to pursue their own happiness just as much as we want to pursue oil in their country, and since they were there first, logic learned by any child before kindergarten dictates that it is theirs, and we have no right to tell them what to do or how to live their lives. Bush started this war under the pretext of saving the Muslims from themselves. They don't want or need to be saved, and you do not need to be carrying on this holy war just so that the fat Republicans that own the companies which are profiting from it can continue to do so. You and I and all of us common folk (you know, the ones that voted you into office) are most decidedly NOT benefiting from it.
I know what you're thinking: that I think that I could do it better. Well that's not the case. I don't think I could run the country. That's why I did not (nor do I ever intend to) go out for the job. You did, though, and you got it, so you must have had some sort of plan for dealing with the giant mess of a situation, right? You must have, because you said that you did, and that's why people like me did or did not vote for you. Well you won the popularity contest, and now it's high time to be getting down to business. We thought you were better than them. We thought that you were the genuine person you claimed to be. So why don't you just answer me this one question that has been burning in my brain since your 100th day in office: how do you sleep at night knowing that you have failed so miserably at what you were supposed to do? You don't have to answer right away. I'll wait. I am already accustomed to waiting for you, so it's not big thing. Just think about it for a while. But not too long. You still have a job to do.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Is it Friday Yet?
Seriously. Why does it have to be Thursday? It would be really awesome if it could be Friday instead...
So it turns out that having the internet only on my phone is not as convenient as I thought. I'm sure it's an issue with my phone's memory, which could likely be fixed if I was more competent, but the connection is uber slow and every now and then it will just give up and take me back to the main screen without any explanation. Being able to email anywhere at any time is awesome, don't get me wrong, but seeing as my lappy is useless at home I'm going to have to give in and set up Comcast.
Why have I been resisting? Mostly because they want to charge me $100 installation fee. Translation: $100 bucks to have some snot nosed kid come turn on a switch inside the cable box and mess with my computer so that it connects to the internet. I don't need anyone to come mess with my computer, and if you point me to the box I'd be happy to flip the switch myself! All I really need is a modem and for the signal to start coming into my house and I'll take care of the rest. Seriously, I can handle it. If I thought that Quest would be any better, I'd go with them. But seeing as my HOA fees already cover the cost of cable TV, and the signal for internet and TV come through the same line, what's the point? They'll probably charge me more so that they can come put one of those ugly disks on my patio.
I aught to stop bitching and just make the call. Perhaps my solid logic and know-how will be sufficient to have the $100 installation bull crap fee waived. Either way though, I have to do it. We live in the internet age, and if you aren't connected, you aren't...um, ...cool? I don't know. I lost that train of thought.
Mostly I need it because I am working on a project that will hopefully start generating some additional income, but only if I have access to the web. So, it's inevitable, even if I'm not happy about it. So, let's face facts: Comcast is the only cable internet provider in UT, which makes them a monopoly. As such, they can charge ridiculously high prices for internet because there is no real competition to keep prices reasonable (Quest doesn't count because its DSL, and DSL will soon be going the way of analog TV).
My point: Screw you, Comcast, and your $100 installation fee, and for hooking me into your trap with $20 per month for the first 6 months, then charging me $50 after that for the EXACT SAME SERVICE. You suck, and you suck even more because there is nothing I can do about it except for bitch.
Okay, I'm done. Have a great day.
So it turns out that having the internet only on my phone is not as convenient as I thought. I'm sure it's an issue with my phone's memory, which could likely be fixed if I was more competent, but the connection is uber slow and every now and then it will just give up and take me back to the main screen without any explanation. Being able to email anywhere at any time is awesome, don't get me wrong, but seeing as my lappy is useless at home I'm going to have to give in and set up Comcast.
Why have I been resisting? Mostly because they want to charge me $100 installation fee. Translation: $100 bucks to have some snot nosed kid come turn on a switch inside the cable box and mess with my computer so that it connects to the internet. I don't need anyone to come mess with my computer, and if you point me to the box I'd be happy to flip the switch myself! All I really need is a modem and for the signal to start coming into my house and I'll take care of the rest. Seriously, I can handle it. If I thought that Quest would be any better, I'd go with them. But seeing as my HOA fees already cover the cost of cable TV, and the signal for internet and TV come through the same line, what's the point? They'll probably charge me more so that they can come put one of those ugly disks on my patio.
I aught to stop bitching and just make the call. Perhaps my solid logic and know-how will be sufficient to have the $100 installation bull crap fee waived. Either way though, I have to do it. We live in the internet age, and if you aren't connected, you aren't...um, ...cool? I don't know. I lost that train of thought.
Mostly I need it because I am working on a project that will hopefully start generating some additional income, but only if I have access to the web. So, it's inevitable, even if I'm not happy about it. So, let's face facts: Comcast is the only cable internet provider in UT, which makes them a monopoly. As such, they can charge ridiculously high prices for internet because there is no real competition to keep prices reasonable (Quest doesn't count because its DSL, and DSL will soon be going the way of analog TV).
My point: Screw you, Comcast, and your $100 installation fee, and for hooking me into your trap with $20 per month for the first 6 months, then charging me $50 after that for the EXACT SAME SERVICE. You suck, and you suck even more because there is nothing I can do about it except for bitch.
Okay, I'm done. Have a great day.
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